Today marks one week since I promised the Dr. I wouldn't run or do any strenuous activity that could irritate my knee further. It is also exactly 11 days since I last tried to run. It is hard, I have cried almost everyday (which only makes me feel weaker) and I can't figure out if I am upset because I am scared I won't be able to run Newport, because I brought this upon myself, or am I more emotional because I haven't actually worked out in so long (for me), or is it all of the above?
Tripp has been a trooper this past week, really trying to cheer me up, and take my mind off thinking about my throbbing knee, with sunset cruises, duck fun, and dinner dates at home....but I still can't stop talking about it, I still can't stop talking about it, I am literally obsessed with this. I don't know if it hurts constantly because I am thinking about it constantly, or if I am thinking about it constantly, because it hurts constantly....this is just driving me more and more insane! I was ready to call up the surgeon only 3 days after seeing him, because I was convinced he was wrong...that it was worse...that the ligament was definitely torn...I didn't call though, I just kept obsessing instead...what would he have done, except order an expensive MRI to tell me it is just muscle?
Well, after crying myself to sleep most nights this week and last, I stopped to evaluate my situation. It is dumb to keep obsessing about this outside of my icing, and it is silly to question a respectable surgeon so soon into my resting, but I do only have 6 more weeks after this until my big day in Rhode Island, and I can't sit around and mope about it and damn my Dr. and damn myself....so with the suggestion of J. and my roommate (who bless her soul has listened to me cry and complain, when she had to go through so much worse the past year and a half, with a broken hip in her early 20s), I chose a physical therapy practice...and as of next Tuesday, I will begin rehabbing this left leg.
After two ACL repairs and a few scares post surgery, I never wanted to step back into a PT office, heck I practically lived in one for a couple of years! I bit the bullet though, and I am taking the dedication I had put into my sub-4 marathon and putting it into getting my leg back to normal, so I can at least try for a marathon at all. My goals have not changed, but my mindset has...
I will do what I need to do, to get back into tip top shape, and to avoid further injuries such as this.
I will listen to the PT and follow through on all exercises and instructions she has to offer me
I will run within the next 6 weeks (and hopefully before)
But until then? I will continue to rest, I will continue to ice, I will continue to compress, and I will continue to elevate....I am determined to get through this, and I am dedicated to what it takes...
I am sick of being pent up, depressed, tired, defeated....I am ready to get better, be happy, dominate....
I sent this quote to Janae a few weeks ago (after reading it in one of RunnersWorld's quote of the day emails), as she is battling back from two fractured femurs and some tough times with shin splints, but it's so true...and now, she is training for her first Century Bike ride?! How cool is that?!
"Whatever you may be missing right now - a person, a place, a feeling, maybe you are injured and missing running - whatever it is, have peace and take heart - remember that any goodbye makes room for a hello. "
Kristin Armstrong, Author and runner
Thanks for sticking with this post, but I had to get this off my chest, and I need to start thinking positively...I appreciate all of the support I get from you guys...
Are you struggling with an injury right now, that you are having trouble coping with?
What are some of your coping mechanisms to get through tough times, be it injury or loss?